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14 July 2013 @ 08:20 pm
On friendship and when to stop being so stupid  
Mood: Upset.
Listening to: ---.
Thinking: 5 more days... 5 more days...
Weather: Sunny .

My post was supposed to be quite positive today but... I just feel really bitchy and upset at the moment and need to let it all out, to the point that I feel like I need advice from you guys.

I never truly lie on my journal (or twitter). I'm just the way you perceive me here: generally very positive, always looking for the good in every person and situation. And as a result of being this way, sometimes I overlook some things that shouldn't be overlooked and end up forgiving/letting pass things that shouldn't be forgiven/let pass. Basically, I feel foolish.

My nearby friends never make the effort to meet up with me when we're barely 30 minutes away from each other's place, and when we do, the things we originally planned never happen. Remember the photoshoot Wada and Cata promised me 2 years ago? Well yeah, it never happened, but we are supposed to do it this month and they haven't even contacted me ever since I ASKED THEM WHEN THEY WANTED TO DO IT AT THE BEGINING OF JUNE.

I feel like I'm not standing for myself. Like I'm not making people respect me and I'm considering my friends people who don't even move a finger to see me and catch up with life.

How is it possible that Marie and Sae, who are over another fucking continent, would meet up with me more frequently than these two if they ever had a chance to be physically close to me? And we don't even need anything complicated: bedroom, snacks and movie times starts rolling and we don't even spend 1 fucking hour planning it. We have a 5 hour difference, unni works a lot, Marinnie studies a lot, I study, do pilates, Japanese and Korean and we STILL find the time to catch up and keep in touch! I don't think they (my nearby friends) have en excuse: if they love and care about me, they WILL make a space in their lives for me, right? Well, that isn't happening, and I'm really tired of going after them, always asking "hey, when can we meet up? I miss you guys".

What do you think about this guys? What are your 'friendship standards'?
 
 
Current Mood: upset
 
 
 
d.bhitsujiga on July 13th, 2013 08:40 pm (UTC)
sometimes even good friends can be really busy or really do not care about you...they will be in your life when /they want to/...you can't change anything about that. i can understand you are upset and i have experienced similar things but i just hate to run after friends who don't have time for me.
but instead of being upset about it for a very long time,..or waiting until they come to your place..or pestering them until they do the photoshoot out of guilt-tripping..just let them be and carry on?
it's understandable that you are upset and you should definitely tell your friends that you are and why and that you miss them maybe. but that should be it. this is all they should need to be reminded that you need time with them.

on the contrary, don't try to make them feel bad for not spending time with you. after all it's their life and their choice and imo a good friend is who you can come to even if you didn't speak for months and he's still happy to see you without nagging about past times not spent together. be that friend. if you're expecting to receive just because you give, it's a foul deal. if you spend time with internetfriends maybe it is that time, the other friends would have time for you? idk.

communicate you are unhappy about the situation, but don't expect a change? the only one who you can change is yourself. if the constant being apart from your friends makes you unhappy, do something about it. if they still make you unhappy even when you meet up, rethink if they are worth your time. but most of all, do that photoshoot you wanna do and don't wait for others to make it happen! <3
소라jeune_fleur on July 24th, 2013 12:56 am (UTC)
I'm sorry, hun, but I can't agree with you here ;_; there are many things that are needed to be called a friend, and caring is absolutely on the top 5! I can understand busy - hell, I am a busy person myself! But not caring... that's too much.

Even if we try not to focus on receiving, we must admit friendship is a constant feedback, and you can't give feedback when there's no one on the other side of the line hearing what you have to say. It's about caring and loving each other, being there in good and bad times. Not necessarily all the time, but some time yeah.

I'm not expecting changes. I don't expect them to spend ridiculous amounts of time with me. I'd be more than happy with seeing them once a month or even every two or three months. But this? We haven't properly hung out since LAST YEAR. I remember I was wearing shorts and a tank top when I hung out with them the last time; now I'm covered in my blanket and drinking super hot tea.

I have no idea if they were free while I was hanging out with my "internet friends" because they have never expressed it. And even though they asked me now, I'd still choose to hang out with my internet friends, because they have been there more, through good and bad, and they've proved that they'd love to do stuff with me and will make time if needed.
Maybe if I do that yeah, I won't hang out with them anymore, but that is because I have somewhat reached my limit.

I won't make them feel bad for not spending time with me, nor will I question their choices anymore. I have gotten to the point that, as you say, I have to change myself. I need to focus my time and energy on the right people that do want to see me and will be able to hang out with me at least once every season XD.