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14 July 2013 @ 08:20 pm
On friendship and when to stop being so stupid  
Mood: Upset.
Listening to: ---.
Thinking: 5 more days... 5 more days...
Weather: Sunny .

My post was supposed to be quite positive today but... I just feel really bitchy and upset at the moment and need to let it all out, to the point that I feel like I need advice from you guys.

I never truly lie on my journal (or twitter). I'm just the way you perceive me here: generally very positive, always looking for the good in every person and situation. And as a result of being this way, sometimes I overlook some things that shouldn't be overlooked and end up forgiving/letting pass things that shouldn't be forgiven/let pass. Basically, I feel foolish.

My nearby friends never make the effort to meet up with me when we're barely 30 minutes away from each other's place, and when we do, the things we originally planned never happen. Remember the photoshoot Wada and Cata promised me 2 years ago? Well yeah, it never happened, but we are supposed to do it this month and they haven't even contacted me ever since I ASKED THEM WHEN THEY WANTED TO DO IT AT THE BEGINING OF JUNE.

I feel like I'm not standing for myself. Like I'm not making people respect me and I'm considering my friends people who don't even move a finger to see me and catch up with life.

How is it possible that Marie and Sae, who are over another fucking continent, would meet up with me more frequently than these two if they ever had a chance to be physically close to me? And we don't even need anything complicated: bedroom, snacks and movie times starts rolling and we don't even spend 1 fucking hour planning it. We have a 5 hour difference, unni works a lot, Marinnie studies a lot, I study, do pilates, Japanese and Korean and we STILL find the time to catch up and keep in touch! I don't think they (my nearby friends) have en excuse: if they love and care about me, they WILL make a space in their lives for me, right? Well, that isn't happening, and I'm really tired of going after them, always asking "hey, when can we meet up? I miss you guys".

What do you think about this guys? What are your 'friendship standards'?
 
 
Current Mood: upset
 
 
 
deep cover gecko: [SNSD] →  all we really want is girlsburger on July 14th, 2013 07:23 pm (UTC)
I know how you feel! A lot of my "friends" from school were just like that, we'd always make plans to do things when we all had spare time but they very rarely happened, and I got very sick of being the only one making the effort. And like you and your friends, we all lived 30 minutes or less away from each other, so it wasn't hard to see each other if they wanted to. I get so sick of people being flaky and lying about wanting to hang out! And I agree, my online friends who live THOUSANDS of miles away keep plans much better than those irl friends did!

I'm really bad at confronting people too, like you I often let people get away with things even when I'm angry or upset. So in those cases, I eventually just stopped trying too and the friendship sort of faded away, but I didn't have the courage to actually confront them about it and tell them they were being bad friends. I know sometimes people can be busy but your friends have no excuse for NOT CONTACTING YOU AT ALL! Even if they had called or messaged you to say they wouldn't have time to hang out for a while it would show they cared, total silence from them is the worst.

I wish I had some advice for you! It's quite painful and frustrating when you feel like your friends aren't putting in the effort, and you're the only one who cares about it :/ I hope things improve, because right now they're sounding like bad friends! It'd be a shame to throw away a friendship completely so, maybe try to contact them one last time and ask them to meet up sometime or tell them you miss them and it's bothering you, but if they STILL keep making excuses, or refuse to contact you, then maybe they're not worth wasting your time on. Friends who make you feel bad are awful :(
소라: Chesire catjeune_fleur on July 24th, 2013 12:16 am (UTC)
Yeah, it's been weeks and I still can't say anything about it to them :/ I have no idea why. Maybe I just don't care that much about them anymore? Like, when people don't make an effort on keeping the friendship, then I lose it as well.

I would understand it decades ago when you didn't have internet or cellphones, but nowadays it's super easy to drop a message.
THOUGH IT SHOULDN'T BE LIKE DEBRA WHO SENT ME TEXTED ME ON THE "FRIEND'S DAY" XD. I lol-ed so much when I got it!

I just wonder why they're like this. I mean, one of them has a boyfriend and a huge group of friends, and I am clearly not a really close one, but the other one... I thought we were pretty close! Tbh we talk ALL the time on facebook but, come on, if I have the chance to meet up with you face-to-face, I prefer it!